I try not to write depressing blog posts. I know that most of you who read my blog are much more interested in reading about Angus. This is, after all, The Angus Diaries.
But sometimes when you are going through a tough time, it helps to write about it. And for some reason, I write better when I feel like I have an audience. I like to feel like I’m connecting with someone. I guess.
So I’ve written before about having some minor health issues. I suspected thyroid. I’ve had it tested three times since having Angus — the first time my levels were high, and the second and third time they were normal. Yet for over a year I’ve had every classic symptom of hypothyroidism.
Anyway, lately my quality of life is becoming pretty affected by WHATEVER is going on. Sometimes I feel like I’m losing my mind; I don’t know if this is all in my head and I just need to get off my arse and get my shit together. Especially when you have ‘normal’ blood test results. That especially makes me feel like it’s all in my head.
And all the symptoms are kind of vague and they come and go… it’s not like anything is life-threatening, but it IS definitely starting to affect my quality of life.
The most annoying symptoms are INCREDIBLE fatigue, and eyes that are so dry and scratchy that they just make the feeling of fatigue worse. I just want to close my eyes all the time. When I wake up in the morning it’s the worst — I feel clumsy and groggy and fuzzy-headed and my eyes — they BURN!!
But isn’t it normal to feel like you’ve been run over by a bus when you wake up in the morning? I don’t know. Maybe it is. I don’t think anybody likes getting up at 6 a.m.!
I figured my tiredness was just due to normal daily life. I have a toddler, and work evenings. I don’t really get any exercise. But I get about 6-7 hours of sleep a night, and then have a 1-2 hour nap during the day when Angus has a nap. That should be adequate sleep, right?
But lately I’ve just been feeling so much worse. I’ve had a chronic headache for about a week, that doesn’t go away with pain relievers. I’ve been taking eye drops (from the optometrist) for my dry eyes, and they help slightly, but not completely.
My moods have been ALL over the place. The day before yesterday I was so depressed I did nothing but cry and mope on the couch all day, and then felt like I was such a shitty mother for not engaging with Angus and wallowing in my sadness instead, and then consequently felt even more depressed.
Some days I wake up angry and irritated. The cat gets punted across the room. Angus gets yelled at. And then I hate myself and feel worse.
I forget things; have complete mental blocks. I lost the baby wipes and was pulling my hair out trying to remember where I had put them — finally found them later when I was cooking dinner. They were in the freezer! Try wiping a butt with a frozen baby wipe…
I put Angus in his car seat, got in the car and drove off — and then COMPLETELY FORGOT where I was going.
I’m clumsy — probably killed a few brain cells from bonking my head on cupboard corners. The other day I was carrying Angus down the stairs, totally MISSED a stair, slipped and landed flat on my back. (Angus was okay, of course!)
I’ve also been getting migraine auras. I though I was just having some fun hallucinations, but the optometrist explained they are migraine auras — the visual disturbances of a migraine but without the severe headache.
I saw a doctor on Tuesday. He sent me off for some bloodwork and a glucose test, which means I have to fast for 10 hours before going. Which means doing it first thing in the morning. Well I just haven’t got around to it yet. But going to try for Monday morning.
So, I’m sorry to be such a downer! But that’s why I haven’t been posting much. I feel like I’ve lost a lot of my sense of humor. I don’t feel very interesting lately, hence not having much to write about.
Feel free to tell me to pull my head out of my arse!
Oh, boo. That SUCKS. (Is your doctor testing your ferratin levels, too?) I have hypothyroidism… and I hope that whatever is going one can be treated as easily.
*hugs*
What’s ferratin, iron? I’m not sure. But I like this doctor — he’s a new one, and the blood work is a lot more comprehensive than I’ve had before. He also actually checked me over physically — none of the other doctors did that before.
Are you taking medication?
I sympathise. Thyroid problems run in my family, and I have weight problems, low energy, low libido and my hands are always cold. But the test results come back “within normal range”.
Iodine supplementation can sometimes help a sluggish thyroid. I’ve tried it before, it seemed to work.
Keep bugging your doctor. You know when something is “not right” better than your doctor does, and we all know someone who has insisted that something was wrong only to discover they had something awful, like cancer.
I was taking supplements before — I’m not sure if they were working or not… I definitely felt better then than I do now! I’ll try them again if my results come back normal again.
I know that you can have thyroid problems and still have a ‘normal’ blood test.
Hey B,
That all sounds sucky and beyond your control. I wonder about the high blood sugar thing. A secretary at work complained about similar things and they found out she was pre-diabetic and the moodiness and fatigue and irritability was high blood sugar. Do you also have feelings of “unreality” like things are a dream state? That is a symptom too apparently. I hope they figure it out soon!
I was actually Googling that earlier… definitely getting checked out for that too!
I don’t know about “unreality,” but definitely just feel kind of dazed and out-of-it.
I’m sorry you’re not feeling overall well. It sucks to know that something’s not right only to be brushed aside. Hopefully your new doctor will keep looking for you until they get it figured out.
I am constantly surprised by how supportive and understanding readers can be when I’m feeling down. I imagine (and hope) you’ll find the same. It’s hard to write when you’re down. Way harder than anything funny. I say kudos to you for being brave enough to share. You never know how many people are reading who can relate and feel better knowing they’re not alone.
I actually was just reading your blog today, after I wrote this post, and thought it was kind of ironic that you also have some mysterious ailments… I was gonna comment, but had to run out the door to work!
And thank you
You’re not whining (at least to me)! I’m really sorry you’re having all of these symptoms- things like that are never fun, and it sucks to feel ‘not right.’
We’re here for you!!
That sucks when you don’t feel normal and don’t really know the reason why. I hope you’re feeling better now. My usual suggestion would be a beer or four, but if you’re depressed it just makes you feel worse the next day.
Haven’t seen you around for a little while, just wanted to pop in and say hi. I hope things are going better for you!